Confusion

Days have passed and our relationship already went far to 9 months..its the 16 this month..but i still feel like our relationship is still hanging on a string bcoz i feel it breaks easily,but what awkward was that i always love to stick it back when it breaks =.=''

As days go along i felt pressured as my final exam coming and i didnt have anything to relieve stress wuwuw T_T 

Today the title was confusion as mentioned above..i said so because until now i didnt know should i prolong in this relationship..some part of me tell me that even if i prolong more i wouldnt get what i wanted...another part told me that she is a good girl and worth cheerishing for..i know she is good far better than many others..

That day she told me if i am not lustful/hamsap i would be perfect..but too bad that was my only thing that i was damn bangga of...LOL

In class i nicely giving sex lectures when teacher is not here and i gather information all around internet to make sure my intel is at full state and condition..i even thinked of opening a sex health blog but when they knew im just a kid who will hear me babbling...

So conclusion im proud of my intel and i wish to let more people know how to keep relationship in couple or marriage going well and not boring and fun!

But too ironic she thinks that as my bad point..

Imagine..A dinosaur that has eaten 10 cows is forced to eat 1 cow now...hungry,aggresive for more,cant tahan and others....

Sometimes she tells until as if like she found a wrong guy and i often thinks whether should we break so she could find an innocent guy who dun like physical contact stuff..thats not boy maybe lol but i feel she will love him..she really wants a guy that is not lustful but for me i keep a phrase that 'men cant love without sex' that is the real reality...a fresh and cheerful relationship should comprise of sex,health and happiness with this 3 only there is real no stress love...

Tomorrow was supposed to be the day which we could meet but too bad she only wants to meet in car and do not want to meet in her house..

This unconsciously decreses the time we are supposed to meet..If we were to meet in house we could have time like 1 hour but in car?less than half an hour...

How also i wont be meeting her tomorrow as i decided ever since she told she didnt noe wan me to go her house or not...

her earlier reason was that she scares that i am aggresive and kiss her 'hardcorely',but later when we quarrel she told that she scares that her neighbour saw..

I was thinking like..u said u miss me and u dun let me hug or kiss or cuddle u where people cant see?

To tell the truth i hate to hug and do stuff outside..i had no choice thats y i chose to do it outside..if u are allowed to come my house and i am allowed to go ur house..i do not need to risk our future to do this stuff outside like school...

I thinking no hope to have sex bfore im 20 so i gave up i really gave up and ended in disappointment totally..

But afterall next year we gonna meet so rarely that u can have ur dream of not getting done anything by me...when i think of it tears does broke down...i love those stuff no doubt..i really scare if next year..i cant do those stuff i worry my love will go lesser and lesser all along those stuff have been keeping our love alive..and the obedience u had was one of a kind rarely can be found..but ur mind also was vry closed which i havent seen in any,i mean none!

In conclusion..if fate was meant for us to be together then no doubt we will but if we are not meant to..then sorry....i noe u wun read this blog anymore so thats y i decided to write back after so long...Sry to say my feel is starting to maybe go down.......im sorry i noe u gave a lot stuff and all..but after all u gave it out of force..still i appreciate it...

i am finding ways to get back my love......but the eagerness u showed me is far too less...its like u have stuff u late reply me or i am put in 2nd position..

for me if u were free i put down everything..when u bz oni i catch back wat i have to do..thats a clear difference..to meet u i can sacrifice time and money and even lie...but maybe for u..u rather feel scare then rather sacrificing the fear for me..if u are not scare of those stuff one day then i doubt we have anything more to worry..

but we will never noe i always think positively that u wanna meet me......have u ever wonder why i always taunt u like when u say miss me i say u lying and no way u miss me?the answer is coz when a chance of meeting arise u wouldnt want to meet me just bcoz u are scared of those stuff..when u said u dunno whether u wan me come or not..i think all the sweet words u said how much u miss me was all A LIE...i was heart broken...day by day my heart is broken more than it could heal...i scare soon i couldnt take it anymore.........i scare soon wat keep our love is only promise but not love coz i promise i wont say breakup with u..i always went to temple and pray our love wouldnt be any problem,u would be more open and stuff but maybe my prayers wasnt heard...so if one day we are meant to break then break is the only way...

IM SORRY....