Cherish your beloved ones

When I got home that night as my wife served our dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth on the topic. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce... I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer..I had lost my heart to her. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her..

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now..

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper and i went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't  want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce..
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked  me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her  out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy.. Just to make our last days together bearable so I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully...

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain in my heart..From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.When i looked back at the mirror..i saw how she looked at me without fetching her along..

On the second day, both of us acted much more easier. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her hair.. I realized that I hadn't look at this woman carefully for a very long time... I realized that she is not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was greying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute,I wondered what I had done to her in these past few years..

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life,love and soul to me..

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing deeper again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.But i was wrong..

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed and said, all my dresses had grown bigger. I suddenly realized that its not the dresses that had grown bigger but is it that she had grown so thin that her dresses seemed bigger, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily...

Suddenly it hits me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart and made her suffered.. Subconsciously I reached out,touch and kiss her forehead..She looked at me in a kind of way and i look away as i couldn't bear the pain and hurt she was showing in her eyes...


Our son came in at the moment and said in joyful manner, Daddy, it's time to carry  mum out. To him, watching his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.I can see tears around her eyes...I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walk from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounds my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly it reminds me of our wedding day..The day when our heart became ONE..

But her much lighter weight made me sad... On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.I wanted the time to stop here...Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove off to find Dew.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives which it will not happed anymore, not because we didn't love each other.. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart..

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

I dropped by at the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife..Its the same flower i ordered on our wedding day..The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart...I am very eager to see my wife reaction and how happy we will be after this...I planned where should we go for vacations and i promise i will treat her utmost best from now on..Later on when i reached the office i called to the travel agent and booked a holiday package..I took a half day lift and went to the necklace shop and bought her a necklace which she had been longing for a long time...

That evening when I arrived home i wondered why dinner was prepared so early,i went to see and found out she cooked my favourite food..Smile enlighted on my face,I ran up the stairs with flowers and necklace in my hands, a smile on my face,excitement in my heart, i open the door...only to find my wife on the bed - dead...That second,i thought it was just a hallucination...I kneel down,tears forming around my eye and then i cried uncontrollably..i could just hit the floor..I wasn't myself at that moment..When my son came back...only then i calmed down and found out that there was a letter beside her hand...With tears i took it and read it...The letter was addressed to me..

       Dear,

I knew that you already lost your heart to me a few months back,

I already knew about Dew and you but i just couldn't speak up because..

I still loves you very much and i don't want to let our son have a divorced family..

So i kept quiet..all the ignorance u gave last few months truly hurts me..

I celebrated my birthday alone..I bet you didn't know that right..

That night when u came back and u just went to sleep straight without noticing i was waiting for u..i could only cry and cry..

But the last month u gave me was an antidote to all those pain..

When u carried me..it reminds me of our wedding days..

That we were both clumsy but we were experiencing true love that time..

Ten years of our marriage,i had a great time along with great love..

Thank you for giving me a sweet memory and please take care of our son..

                                                                                             Love you..

I carried her for the last time from the room to the hall with tears streaming down my face and gazing at my only son..He asked 'me where is mummy going?'...He is still small..I just said that mummy i going to see the Lord...I couldn't stop my tears..I had lost my love, my wife and a loving and caring mother and nothing I could do now to make the clock backward. I had all the time now to look at her motionless body in detail but I knew it was going to be only for a short while until she made her last journey to the Lord......I held my son and wept again and again thinking of all the things I did not do for her when she was still alive....everything is too late now.....I held the flower and placed gently in her hands with my tears trickling on them........she was gone forever, all my tears would not bring her back..


The SMALL DETAILS of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These will create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.. 

I got this email from my dear and it slaps me out of something..I am sorry for what i had done to you..I am sorry..
I LOVE YOU..AND I HOPE YOU WILL BE WITH ME..

Love is everything...

Just reached home from bbq party at aunt's house..

No mood from the start because i dont like to go party because all i see there are couple pairs so basically no one talks to me so whats the use of going??

I rather stay home facing computer doing nothing also dont wanna go to places that have people but no one talk to me..

And later i had no mood to eat and i went to msn and chat with her..

Later we chat until very emo..and i told all that i felt and i dont know how long i stored for it but i tell it out all today...

I told i was selfish i want this and that this and that...and pisses her off...

I told her i wanted my gf to think that love is everything..i want her to give up all thing for me..

I wanted her to put me in the 1st place and i want all and all..

And at last she told me that she cant do it...

And she told she wont change in a very dunno how to say what and that hurts me a lot

She gave me the feeling that she care for other things more than me ...

That moment for the 1st time in my life...

I cant breath,suffocates and my rib cage paining...

She told me what she felt..

I knew that she wouldnt want to place love in the 1st place but deep in my heart i...i....hope that she will put althought i said nevermind...

Later on,i told her go ahead and do what you want..you wan get obsess with other things go ahead...

I offed my handphone and go to online and scold my team people and pisses them off and maybe quitting the game soon...

I only realized i really needed her care because when i offed my hp...i wanted to see would u send me anything or what or would u miss call a lot or what..

And at last i on back but she slept..

Then i replied her and no more..

Then she told i have never seen her get obsessed into something very much until she keeps talking about it...

I wanna tell her when the times come...

I will do something bout it dont worry but i didnt coz i had no mood to talk anymore..

I wonder sometimes if i get obsessed into something until i forgets bout u or abandon u for a while bcoz of i too obsess like game or badminton how would u felt..

And i also thinking if i admire a girl and keep talking bout her infront of u what would u felt...

But all is past now..making each other feel bad only kid would do such a thing...

now is that 101th day of our love..ending or not i do not know...

Later after we tell each other what we wanted....My heart felt like something stabbing it...

I tried to sleep but the pain is there...

I put all my love in...giving all the time find things do all but nothing changes maybe things that werent meant for me really wont be mine..

No matter how much i try..things wont change...

I can say i totally gave up all for love...

Friends,family,hobby,all....

I keep changing number and find the best package to chat with her and loses all my friend's contact...

Now i lost the love meant i lost everything...i didnt have any emotions now...

I wish i were dead honestly...

When going back from my aunt's house i was really in a bad mood...I showed black faces and all and scold my sister and when come back and pissed my mom off

So what i already dont care anything anymore..

I just want someone come to me with pure heart and shower me with full love and i can give my life for that...

Now i am playing the ring she gave me only that and memories is left within me...atleast still something is there...

I didnt know how to face things up anymore..I didnt know what am i supposed to do..

I ask my dad for beer so that i can be drunk completely but appears to be no beer ...

my dad asked why i didnt answer and i just walked off..

I know im being a bad son..sorry to my family..

I already loses all the thing i had and i dont know how now...

Someone maybe could teach or grab my hand to walk back or leave me dead on the ground...

Although i still love her very much but i know if we continue...

Someday we will break...Its just a matter of time i know...

People say this world everything need to be balanced like YIN and YANG..

But i live for love and she do not live for love..

Why arent we balancing??What the fuck man...i feel like scolding all the bad words i know in a full sentences...

I trying to find all the ways to stay together to strengthen our love but...

No matter how tough a rope is...A bigger force eventually breaks it...

I cant sleep..I put too much ..can say i put all really all...

I hope i can go through these tough day...

The question i asked u whether can u let go everything for me...

Answer the question honestly and it will decision for both of us........

When i am able to think more i will write it here.......

Shattered dream..

Merry christmas people..

Enjoy...

I thought if i keep doing things for you..

Things will change...

Nothing changes..

But it will be the last time..

When u meet the one that u truly love..
You will know what is the meaning of love is everything..

Ring O rinG The bIg SluRPriise

THE RING!!!!!!!!!

HAHA this post i will write it with red in colour as everything is in red and my dear also love red colour LOL

There is the ring gifted by dear dear to me hahahaha nice le

Its totally the biggest or impossibly big surprise i ever had even bigger than the previous post bout my mom woke me up...

The ring yeah...her 1st present to me hahha for christmas!!

I receive it on 20th Dec in the night at the BCHRA ~~haha

I still remember she looked around that day lol before giving me LOL she so SHY and PAI SEH 

wahahahahahah!!

Damn happy wei because i thought of buying ring for her but was delayed to next year valentine due to some 'problem' HAHAHAHA 

Then she gave it to me at the night happy sia XD <<< TOTALLY SURPRISE

Its didnt even cross my mind she would buy ring for me <<< DAM EXCITED

Nice le muahahah im playing with it and wearing it twisting it around my finger HAHA

That night was indeed very nice because i worried a lot before the event

1.worry she has no time to come talk to me

2.she cant sit with me

3.i will be alone

Then later on non of the above happened WAHAHAHAHA

I am so happy dear love u much~ ^^

That night very nice LOL 

Another weird thing was =.= all the table was full except me and my dear LOL

both of us sit alone at that round-10-people-table LOL its not like we gonna eat them if they sit but anyway its nice only with the 2 of us ahahahah

She asked me to eat lots of vegetables but she didnt realize that my dinner was vegetableLESS wakakakak

Don't scold me T^T 

I will treasure this ring greatly and deeply and bring it wherever i go  

Many happy things happened that night like gift exchange event LOL

I was supposed to put my new number but my dear don't let me put hahah scare 'SOMETHING' might happen HAHA

And she guessed it right LOL a number sms to my old number but i ignore it =.='' 

She still do not believe stranger would sms me 

Biasa la noob ma me =x

But I am very happy because dear dear worry for me hahaha love u o mwakies~~

That night i bought a crystal ball with snow inside as a gift to be exchanged hohoho

I wanted to have dear gift as my present but i was too late Haih~~~

I keep searching for the present she wants (at last she didn't get it and voon huey does) haaha 

And i missed out her gift sigh~~~But nevermind 

The ring is already the best gift i had from a gf HAHAHAHA love u dear ^^

Unexpected turnouts

Actually i was supposed to blog about the new ring presented by Y to me but

I am not in the mood now so i thinking if i blog bout it..

It wont be nice instead it may turn out bad

Something happened..I am foolish..

I knew it will happen but still i hit my head against the wall sighh...

I knew it will be hurtful but i still bang my head on it

Nah..I planned not to tell her what happened

If she do not wish to do it i wont say anymore..

Sorry Y for not telling u what happened..

Please understand for this time because i do not want to trouble u anymore as i already did..

This time i will carry the burden myself and leap over this obstacle...

Hope god bless me and everything turns out ok and remove my stupid attitude

NIGHT....

Day 3...

Wuwawuwawa~~

Its 9 o clock in the night!another painful day as this is the 3rd day

 LOL but not so pain compare to yesterday because yesterday night Y find and chat with me via ebuddy ler hehe ^~^ so happy sia

LOL but we only managed to chat a while.. it was very nice and loving woot!

She used her sister hp to online there

And made her sister not so happy LOL i am sorry >.<

I am happy she tried to on haha even if 10 minutes also i am very satisfied hoho

I am happy because she tried which i thought she wouldn't << proven i am wrong LOL

Today whole day I did not do anything hmmmm time passes very fast ler tomorrow she coming back maybe night only she will online or maybe won't because i wouldn't let her on haha

Because on this upcoming sunday she gonna wake up early and go to Country Homes and help the event that is gonna be held in the morning until night

So no online for her ROAR!hehehehehe

Nothing nice to say about today because nothing happened also =.=

My family went genting i stay home along like i always love to haha

Awaits your return Y ^~^ i gonna tell u something which should be considered very happy hehe

Muacks~

Day 2...

This is the second day after she left for her vacation..My heart PUMP even more faster..

My handphone was very silent yesterday except for only asking my friend to go out pasar malam..

Hmm thanks for treating me the bubble milk tea...Others were not free yesterday..sad..some were sick and some were busy

When i'm free they are not,no fate LOL

Then i really miss her sighhhhhhhh only 2days =.='''

Am i really too obseSsed LOL

Yesterday was the same daily routine that is fetching my sister and i went pass her house and saw her dad's car there so quiet le her house hmmm

This sunday she told she gonna be busy so i kinda like hope nothing happens that day

I didn't know why anxiety keeps building up day by day as it nearly suffocates me but i'm strong

I won't i guess hope so >.<

Later on yesterday my friend walked with me at pasar malam and i asked him how his love life going on..

He said ok and he had more confidence on himself now he said...

Why keep comparing and tormenting ourselves...If the girl is fated to be married with you..

How handsome or how good a boy/guy is,come to flirt her,she will not be affected or even bother...

Although i totally agreed on what he said..but i didn't know what is bothering me deep inside me..

I miss her a lot until i dreamt her consequently 2 times in a row haha i remember it well

The 1st dream was that i and her was quarelling and she sms other boys to convince her to be happy...

At last i found out and i dislike what she did and then finished because my mom woke me up to fetch her to work

2nd part was the nicest...

She showed me effort that she wanna see me..She on her msn and told she was back!!This is no.1 why i was so happy..

No.2 was she that was going out with her family and she says she wanna meet me at the shopping mall and i don't mind going far just to see her

No.3 she ask me donate blood hahah i still remember that my 1st blood donation was also solely due to her encouraging me to do it..I am very afraid of needle LOL..until the last sec before the nurse poke me with it also fear is engulfing me LOL..at last i did it and after watching her so happy i think all was worth it haha her smile make my day man!!

No.4 was she on her msn to chat with me fuyo!we were chatting so happily

I knew it was a dream so i told myself do not wake up

At last the sad part was that i woke up..hastily check my hp for msn and only found out that nothing had happen

I sit quietly on the bed staring into the air for a while and then sigHHHH...

I knew most people would say a boy or a guy or a man should not be so obssesed into something but i don't care as long as i love her..until one day she tells me or hints me that im irritating...then i will not obsess anymore...
When a boy/girl says 'Its okay..I don't mind..' << This is the time where they mind it the most

MISS you so much Y >.<

1st Day...

Today,she's going to Bangkok for a vacation for 4D 3N and i hope that she will be happy and have a lot of fun there..

So far?no nothing good happened hmmmm only moody moody between us...I still cannot get over her being too obsessed with something...

And yesterday night i saw her blog and she post it everywhere something something...

And yeah i forced myself to do something and i tell her later on..

I was very uncomfortable that time and i am unable to think well as i let my emotions gets the better of me..

So i did it..Stupid me and

She..Shoot water hose =.= only she knew what it meant...

Later on when i am able to think well and reason better..

I only knew i hurted her that much >.<

I AM VERY SORRY DEAR..

I promise you that it will never happened again >.<

And i really really hope that you will not obsessed on something and tell everywhere

I don't know whats the feeling i'm feeling also..

Maybe i wish i am the guy who u will post around but i knew can't

Because you are worried that your family sees it..

Maybe i am not matured enough hmmm..

Asking you worth it to change or not actually i really meant it

Most of the girls do not think its rational to do this..

No need go to far..

I told annie my problem and she said she did dump me if i were her bf..

And that's why i asked you do u think that i'm worth the changes???

^~^

Most of the things boys and girls said like 'oh nvm de la..its ok' actually they don't

Things can't be judge from words..

Things that u felt he/she do not like it...then go ahead and don't do the stuff..

Me..i am different..I knew damn well what she do not like and i love doing it to let her scold and let her tell me do not do it next time haha..and i will not do it again

I love people controlling me but not any people =.=''

I do not know why but thats how i felt care and love LOL..

Sometimes,i purposely do stuff to make her angry just for her to scold me and control me haha..

Showing her that i am bad boy maybe will make her to control me even more..

She is not the type which live for love like me..

That's why i said we are from different world but it doesn't matters anyway..

She had games,friends,movies,entertainments and stuff...

I had it too but i just do not damn eff-ing understand why am i so dwelled in love..

I used to be a game freak..everyone knew i am..I can don't eat or sleep just for games and badminton too..

But recently i am beginning to lose all the interest i had i do not know why LOL

SOMEONE TELL ME PLEASE..

I only had interest in her...obsessed in love?yeah can say so and she is vice versa..

She gets obsessed in all other stuff except love..ironic huh but that's the way it is..

Life is full of holes and partners are here to fill in the holes of your life...

Nothing is perfect and yet many people including me hope for it..

WHY??

I also did not know the reason why.......

Obsession can be bad but for some people its good...Depending on whether you love your gf/bf more or your bf/gf love u more..

My brother even told me that he do not even know what i am doing =.=''

I am gonna change i tell you all roar!

She's on the way to Bangkok lur~God please bless her and her family's trip to back and forth safely and soundly

Her last reply wasn't saying goodbye haha maybe i didn't get the sms of hers but if its fated of me not getting it then i bow to fate..

She replied later on which i add onto this post haha her flight is 11.50am

I Will Miss You Very Very Much DEAR

I didn't know why i love comparing myself to others..

Maybe i want my gf to think i'm the best but thats just a dream or a fantasy ahahah

Not easy..When someone taken their 1st step wrongly..

They will only head to the wrong direction...Life had no turning back and regret like those game which u can restart...Life is not like this one click and you are where u were before you died LOL..

Now much of the interest i had is lost

Friends also beginning to lose one by one..

All ask me out for a drink or something i keep saying no...

So this time she go to Bangkok and cant sms at night..I already tell my friends to drink tea haha

But my heart will still be at your side dear~

Sorry ler because even if i go out with you all and sms..i felt disrespectful and furthermore she can only online at night which i wanna spend more time with her hope you all understand >.< sorry with deepest apologist...

My heart is at her hand so if i go out with you all and keep missing her i think you all will angry lol LOL!

But i also knew you all were good friends ma haha

And I want to say sorry to those who i had offended or hurt i am sorry..

~DAY 1~

FrienDs

What are friends??Friends are here for you when u fall or when you are depressed,they are here to help you,support you and encourage you..

But from what i saw...things aren't what i used to think but luckily my friends are still the same but some don't i guess..unlucky for them

Friends do not meddle or interfere into other friends relationship no matter how bad it is..

Friends can only support but not making or forcing the other friends to do something..

Today i was kinda like WOW...i was playing with Y and then poop offed...I thought she offed my call nvm i called again..

Later she told it was line bad so line were cut off..we were arguing but we both know we were playing..then one of her fren help her off my call..

I was like WAT THE...

I mean come on its very rude to do that right offing people's bf call

Her tuition was gonna start and we were planning too end the call in maybe another 30sec to 1min

I was like shit..i had no chance to even say bye bye and those romantic words properly..

Its was rude and i kinda like unhappy and made her unable to concentrate later in the class

I am guilty of being unhappy but i still think it is RUDE...

Imagine if it happens back to you what would u think?If u don't mind its ok

Every person had their own thought..Some people think that roses are pretty but it does'nt means that everyone think its pretty as some may sees it as thorny and hurting..

Please don't ever do that to friends that u truly treasure because friends are meant to be happy and does not meant to be only yours..

.Don't ever make decision for your friends because they might misunderstood it and take it wrongly..

Give opinion neutrally and think of your friend's benefit..do not ever think only of your own benefit

Later on i was happy again after i can use my handphone to on MSN and it just cost me RM3/month cheap huh??

I am happy because i no longer needs dear dear to wait me to on9 anymore as i can on9 anymore anytime for MSN hehe love u dear~

Unrequitted Love

Lately...i had been feeling actually nothing i had or can say i had nothing from the start..

Its just that i am fooling and lying myself that i had something..

My mom scolded me today telling she was disappointed of me and telling i had nothing good in me

My dad told me i am the most disobedient one

I had nothing anymore..I decided that if i run away things would be solved but after all..Its just a run away..

Yeah no one love me i knew that its just pity but not love i knew....

I called her yah she made me happy really happy forgetting what my parents told me..

Later on...she got really obsessed with something and her reaction was different from normal...
Its reminds me of my ex..she poke on the magazine and i ask her is this ur ex bf?
She said no way la if it is then its great..Yeah LOL we fought also that time =.=''
Then~~come back to the story

And then i...hmmm she was really obsessed from the wat she said it and i was trying her the normal way i did and i didn't get the reply that i was expecting and i lost all my hope and i really decided something...i would never tell what is this but...its still a NO......

Later on she post on fb and say she in love and i wow and i had no more reaction no more sadness emotion

Maybe i really am learning to let go after all the tears i had fallen and i learnt new things

Tough boy do not let tears to roll down on their cheek but they make the tears roll back into the eye..

I will learn it and i will forget everything from now on and lead a normal no feeling guy..

Too much of things made me too tired..I am indeed too weak..no more.......

I thought of telling her that i want let her go as her heart is already not here..

But i do not know why i didn't do it....

I Miss my child time no worries only do all the best on what i had...

Now i don't know what i had...Love fail,Family fail,Study near-fail,Life fail

But nevermind..i believed one day i will have it...Its just a lie or runaway or what its ok i don't mind.....

As long as i can breath i do what i like and will not disturb others life.....

Here i want to tell Y that if your heart is already not here..You can say and we proceed with our own life

I am very sorry for causing you all these pains....

..No More..
Thanks Viviene for accompanying and advising me tonight..
When i talked with you my tears rolled down you are a great talker thanks..
Gratitude from dwarf to princess..

The Night Dragon Flower.

This is the Night Dragon Plant my grandma gave me or can say she is the one who plant it in her house then i took it ^^

This is how it looks like when it has not yet open fully ^^

It only blooms in the night romantic huh HAHAH

Tada da da da!!

This is how it looks like when it opens fully nice huh i love it

Its bloom around 10-12pm and wilt the next day

Its nice right hahah my grandma used to stay up late just to see this

I miss her very much and hope she will sees it everytime it blooms

Friday 1st hour..

Its unbelievable but yeah things happened again..

So what i don't mind things keep happening..I just worry that Y can't stand it..

Yeah i online only at 11.25pm and this morning i decided to change into an ignorant person..

Yeah a boy that is cold,what also no feel

I saw many of those boy in relationship and their gf tends to be more sticky and caring

So i took steps and change hoping it will work....

1st i change my sms-ing way

At 1st it really lasted from afternoon till night yeah no offence..but my sms sucks no feeling

Like only normal friend i cant believed that i did it also

But then till night

She ask me 'are u good at designing?'

I said 'No obviously i am noob'

Then she laughed and said she want me to design for our house(I am still acting ignorant that time)

But then i am really happy that she started really caring and then...straight without thinking

I told her i am sorry for changing and she told that she did noticed that i changed

The happiness lasted only a while(the house design part)

At 1st i thought that it is impossible that she will think of our future as she never did it before

I ignored that thought and keep on believing she will

Maybe i'm desperate for love and care or maybe I don't know what i want..

Then she told me actually she wanted me to design for her farm in her game

My whole world of hope plunged into darkness and despair

Yeah that really pumped my tears out nice one...

My hope gone and i told her i am sorry that changed and my plan failed
GONE

I was like...what the f*** am i doing...

I wanna change and i tell her sorry that i changed and at last

Only knew that i'm just too desperate for care and stuff

I acted too hastily...Maybe my desperate feeling made me do that..can't blame anyone

No one is at fault here..Its just that maybe i need a lot of love

I can give anything for love..i don't know why..Maybe i don't easily find one that loves me maybe..

Yeah and now i am lost..my direction gone..hope gone..what also gone..

I don't blame myself for telling her i changed because i really forcing myself to change

Its 80% that i want to tell her so can't blame her for making my plan failed..

I want to tell her to stop blaming yourself...

Blaming is waste of time..regretting is also..

Changes and No More Next Time is what we needed...

Tell the truth i am really lost...Ever since she started something months ago..

I felt problem keep occuring like no time,no care,no love,just its not what it used to be before she started the thing...She told she likes it so no point i ask her don't do it..

I rather take it all myself and let her happy

She always scolded me for doing so as she wanna suffer with me..love u dear mwakies..

But sometimes its better to suffer alone right??

That is what u will think also right dear if u were in my position??

Its just a small matter of me being too desperate thats all

I am also not sure whether can i sleep or not haih.........

Hope she sleeps soundly please do as she had walked 6 hours today in shopping mall

Kinda hurts me when she is not well..

No matter what happened..I will keep putting hope although disappointment is there

Maybe until one day if i really falls down then only i will tell you..

Until that day no matter what u did...I will still put hope and keep waiting..

Things don't come fast i knew that but i cant help myself thinking it will come fast..

DESPERATE

To tell the truth i really think of that..u guess what it is...

But i knew one day i will face this problem one day so whats the point running and i still love u thats the most important thing that keeps me from saying it...

You always tell that i am very hard but i felt you are harder because i am more demanding than you..

I always tell i need more care and stuffs..

Only i'm demanding and you didn't..so why are u saying i am hard?

Its you that are facing the hardship..

Its me causing the pain......To tell the truth when u didnt reply me when you were shopping

I worried for you every second.....I hate myself from thinking so because

You might feel that i'm sticky and want you to spend time with me every second

I realized that but i don't know why i cannot change it..I really don't know

If someone can teach me not to worry i did appreciate it a lot...

Most of the time i'm just being stupid and overworry myself

What to do i am too desperate..

Dear i want to tell you that sometimes..sweet words are really nice but eventhough if its a lie don't reveal it as you reveal it no point of u telling it anymore right??

Just now,that incident happened because you told that its not the main point why you are asking whether am i good in designing or not..

It will be better if you didn't tell

Although is bad but its not as hurting as when i discovered the truth right..

But obviously i really hope you will really say it from bottom of your heart one day..

I really hope...Hope again haha its nice to have hope because it keeps up your mood

Thinking it will happen soon really makes one damn excited haha

But dear i want to ask u this very long already but i couldn't..

Do u you really want me to be this desperate or want me to be ignorant..

If you want me to be desperate you have to put lots of effort as i am a no-love-care-boy

If you want me to be ignorant please give me time to compress my feeling...

Just pretending ignorant for few hours already nearly kills me

Tell the truth you really took my heart away completely..

Hope we will be even more closer and *look in your sms*

Love u Y..Always will Be...

The 9 sms i sent u hope u will receive it ^^

DESPERATE ....

Again its here i guess??

Already 1.53am and i am still wandering around here expressing my feelings...

Why do it has to be midnight ar everytime??

Today's special was nothing like before...

I found out that X and Y is different person from attitude,humour sense,physical contacts,and stuff totally entirely different i guess..

But lately i also found out eventhough there is so much differences between them..

They had one similar thing which is they love each other very much or i hope so they will...

No matter how big differences they had..Just a little bit of similarities can bring both together nearer...........

Y asked me sleep earlier but i just couldn't because i am not in the mood to sleep not to mention a good night sleep without a nightmare until tomorrow morning.......

We are from different world but the portal we created to connect to each other is our love..

Although it takes much effort and time but i believed that..

When our portal is successfully built..there will be no more distance and difference between us..

Couple always mention changing for each other but some people also said that u must love the boy/girl no matter what attitude she/he had

Nothing is perfect.......If you wan a perfect bf/gf...think perfect as imperfect and then you will get your perfect bf/gf

Changing for each other or not,is sub-question but loving each other is the main question.....

When there is no love..no matter how much you changed there will be no love...If there is love..changing or not does not matters anymore.....

Don't ever make your gf/bf misunderstands what u want to tell them or else it will be bad like very bad.....

Just now,i made Y misinterpreted my jokes and yeah bad things happened ...
Both went down and i don't know what to do and then ended our conversation immediately and go to sleep
LOL
She realized she was running away from our problem..She said she will think about it and face it..
I am glad to hear that and i will be at your side to support you and your decision dear..

There are happy times and also sad times..In this word there are no mountains that had constant straight horizontal line...Its either up or down and how much it goes up and down...

I hope we will be closer even more Y..

And i wish to tell u also that there is no bf that would not put hope in his gf..
No matter how sad a bf is..
He will still put hope in his gf eventhough he said he will not put hope anymore..
What a boy/girl said do not want sometime they want it so look with your heart and you will know whether he really wants it or not...

Stupid Idiotic Me~~

Sighhh again i am doing things wrongly....sigh i feel im useless o.o why is it so??

Something happened long time ago and Y do not like it
I accidentally brought it up but i thought the incident was nice but she doesn't feel so and boom i made the day go down again..

Yeah call me FOOL..Foolish X

Today nothing special happened except making her waiting for me to online which i feel damn bad again
I'm saying sorry and sorry again Y ><

She had to wake early tomorrow for tuition so i sort of like scolded her a bit haih

Sorry again ><

I also don't know what to say anymore le except sorry for bringing up sad things and only brings u sadness ><

I really hope u will forgive me but if u don't its ok >< takes time anyway i know

U can scold me and tell me what u don't like i change ^^

I will...no matter what and do not ask me worth it or not as you are the worthiest girl in my heart....

I know i am a bad bf..Pls give me chances not once but many >.<..sorry dear sorry i hope this sad things wont occur again ><

sorry.......

sorry

This is Y.

now 3.59a.m.

I'm here to say sorry for everything i have done to X .

SORRY

Fired up!!!!

Yeah~~yesterday we played the mini games happily and i sort of like won too much *clap clap*

HOHOHO she got pissed off and woot shoot me wahahahahahah but it was fun to see her like that till i felt it is so funny ;D

Woooooooot but later on she started drawing chinese words in msn and i couldn't understand even a words  LOL i am like talking to an alien hahahaha

'!@!@#%^$%#@$'

I decided that im learning chinese!!!!!!!ROAR!!!

But not for now la..maybe after STPM..

What happy was she told she gonna teach me XD but i think she will forget it in a short time wakakakakak

BIASA LA U KNOW WHO IS Y HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH

Although i had fun thinking how she would teach me but i don't wanna trouble her as i troubled her a lot *please dun hit me dear* ;D

yesterday whole day i stayed at home and chat with her~~o yeah i forgot to tell u nowadays girl funny sia hohohohoho they praise themselves de le wei!!wakakakaakakak i still remembered long time ago HOR~~~

a girl praised herself sexy,pretty,generous,'si man'(cantonese),cute and all it was funny but she really had it all ^^ hohohohohoho who be her bf really is one lucky guy ~

School gonna reopen in 3 weeks++ can i really co-op wit the studies i thinking...i don't wanna waste my time going for diploma again T_T i wanna had a good job to lead a good life with my family and accompany her to buy dress (damn eager) hohohoh

So nice wei time passes very fast when buying shirt with girlfriend i felt although i never tried hahahahahaha she jokingly told she will use lots of money but she is rich and she is the type that is like a SUPERWOMAN

Hahahaha in my heart i wanna say i will work hard and let u buy whatever u want ^^ but she is very clever also later she is the one to tell me that i JUMP SEA LOL!!!

Love u tonnes awaiting our 1st outing ^^V

BIG BIG SURPRISE + SHOCK OF LIFETIME

This morning was a wake up call of my lifetime =.= my legacy ends here
I was sleeping like how other pigs were and suddenly Y smsed me.....i was kinda like blur so didnt knew there were sms and BOOM
My mom came in not knowing what she wants so i didn't care and continue my prince's slumber
The next second she took my HANDPHONE!!!
THAT FORCE PULLED ME UP STRAIGHT 100% AND I'M TOO HASTY + PANIC AND THEN I TOOK FROM HER SO FAST AND ENDED UP QUESTIONS FLYING TO ME =.-
I know thats it BAI BAI for me but what surprised me was that she told she knew bout 'X and Y' and i was kinda like ?_? really??
I really worry because maybe she did that so it will make her feels less hurting??
I know she really will be hurt if she knew that i was coupling..thats why i kinda didn't tell her but suddenly come to this situation where she didn't scold and just told me dun drop in my studies and i was kinda
WTF IS THIS A DREAM O.O????????????????????
Later on she was like nothing really OMG man ==
Blur 100% the next time i'm fetching her alone in car i'm kinda scared that she will ask me questions and i'm sure i wouldn't know how to answer her SAVE ME LOL~~~~~~~~~~~
It was completely gigantic toss into my brain that made me SQUASH+BLEND+ROJAK everything which i don't even know what the everything was =.=
URGH HOPE nothing happens O.O

Midnight Pain 2

Things...dun last forever no matter it is happy or sad........today i thought wanna play with her and i like pampering so i pretended not happy for her to pamper me but i made things worse..

She got unhappy and me too.........

Later thought it did be ok but only i knew she was playing some things when i chat her on the phone (lets not talk bout it)

Then i started to get uncomfortable and me too bringing some stories to make her feel the same as what i felt...yeah i know its damn the bloody childish but i still does it...

Later on something happened again ..yeah i made her ..... i am at the disadvantage because my family is nearby and i cant talk much..dun even think about making her happy with my family around.......

I reached home at 11.40pm and thought everything was okay....

I was wrong again or maybe always was wrong......we played some mini games but it didn't cheer us up completely..we were like different from usual

Even i realized that man...............

Later on i try to cheer the situation up by telling something and ended up she didn't see or maybe she too busy gaming and wanna win me

So i brought up the topic of she was not even loving me and stuff and then things got even more worse.......

I love getting pampered and i always hope she will do it but its not easy because she never does it before...

And she slept early because she has tuition tomorrow and the night is still young when bad situation like this occured........

Sighhhhhhhhhh.........i need lots of attention at the starting of a relationship...maybe at least until our relationship stabilize ><

Maybe i'm too sensitive but aren't thats what couple supposed to be??

I no longer know what to do but i can only stop my tears from flowing out and pretend happy and try to find things to make me happy...

But the magic was she can make me happy in a second which nothing can do it like how she does it as i had no mood on anything except her when things like this occured......

This will be a moon's night i'm gonna spend...

And i really hope before i go to sleep or she goes to sleep...one sms from her will make me happy just some care in it is enough to make my day..

Night~~~~HOPE~~~~~

Too HAPPY until loses myself XD~

So today i decided to revise my lower 6 subjects and prepare for my upper 6 and i kinda failed?? Reason??SIMPLE i dunno where to start =.= I mean come on..the topic is so so so big man kinda like WOW *_* Thinking of studying biology but the amount of scientific names i have to remember is some sort of like a dictionary amount of words standard >< One chapter is enough to rob the FRESHNESSSSSSS out of me =.= Math T??Its much better LOL practice like a robot and u get good results hahaha Chemistry is a completely a TEAR/KOYAK/PIAK/CHIAK for me man!!!one second i touch chemistry and another second i'm in the dreamland of 4 flat hahahaah I need motivation == frequent ones..i will surely forget what is motivation after one week == Some professionals please motivate me please haha!!!! At last i'm starting to have happy days already ^^ Too happy till wanna cry LOL maybe touched wahahah I'm feeling the love in the air wahahahah reason??she became very caring T_T << do not be mistaken!!its touched and not weep like a CRYBABY I never expected it but i'm truly happy can say that i'm utmost happy What sifu said is coming true ^^ she asked me to have more happy things than sad things wohohoho And now i'm having it wahahahaha Wanna know what she did that showed me she so caring??although its nothing for most people but for me i'm enough satisfied and if i'm not i will say it out maybe??HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA i am so gonna get whacking from dear xD And woot did u guys read the newspaper???? Its in the section before sports and the title is something like this 'Man gets whacked by her wife and he still loves her!!!' SEE??SEE??SAW???KAN DAO MA???MAN IS ALWAYS THE ONE THAT IS GOOD!!LOVING!!CARING!!AND ALL ETC ETC TOO MUCH TO STATE AKHEM AKHEM WOMAN??don't wanna say it ;D no offence because i don't wanna die at early age so i would not state anything bout WOMAN hahahahahahahah And my dear is saying that i am too thin like LIDI thats what she said =.= My plan??to gain some meat which is super hard task i assumed because gaining in hand part is hard and always ended up gaining at the stomach part which results IN FLAT TYRES which i scare it happens to me I CANT IMAGINE IT~ I can accept other people having it but i cant accept myself having it because i kinda scare people discriminate me LOL!!! I am too sensitive indeed haha everyone knew that XD And i would like to express my deepest apologies to my friends who had been asking me out and i always had a reason its real and i do not find it purposely >< I am sorry truly and i will go out the next time you all ask me to.. Sorry x infinity..Dun say sorry no police please hahaha Happy days are coming i think?? I hope forever will be but sometimes sad or emotional also good as it carries prizes such as understanding and love in it wahahahahahaha And by the way some people gave me comment that i wrote short and simple but i worry its very confusing if its too long so i try to write it long this time and i hope its not confusing THANKIES ^^~Comments are deeply appreciated ^^

SweEEEeT

Wow slept at 3am because 1 played with dear some games haha..had a very very good laugh and felt very tranquil and relaxing haha..its been some time since having this feel woot woot haha XD She's really good in some games i must admit it!!i cant win her LOL but some i also pro wahahah

The fun part was we were playing the sketch sketch thingy instead of typing the words haha the things we drew were master piece!!

And yesterday she felt i was weird and said i changed..i really were??im not sure but i really had a brain crack thinking of it before and she found out in an instant == girl's 6th sense??LOL

There is no such thing i guess haha

Today i and her are going out a while but its enough cause i really wanna see her xD

Like my friend and sifu said XD make happy stuff more than sad stuff hope i really wont think much after this and go like an innocent boy instead of trying to pretend matured by thinking all stuff that would never happen or if it gonna happen also no use thinking it now as i cannot change anything when the real circumstances haven't rise hahahaha

Sometimes knowing things lesser proven more beneficial than knowing it a lot as it blend ur brain 100% when u knew too much which ended up 'YAU WAT' ahhahahaha

Today she said wanna play some mini games again ^^ i cant wait to spend time with her hahah

Luckie ^^

Midnight Pain

Just chat wit dear on msn and again ended up badly......
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...........
whats hurting was.....she said 'on computer to chat wit u only meh'
After that my mood swing down completely ==
What crossed my mine was nothing at all angry but it showed me..her intention to on computer was not to chat with me..
..Am i just a backup or something??nah i knew that..hahaha my daughters would call me 'k le fe' in this situation haha
So i hope to make myself back to my gamer self which puts myself in busy situations
Maybe i wanna win or maybe i dun wanna be the one kept waiting and get short and ignorance messages...
Hope can be disappointing...but without hope..there will be no happiness...
I thought if i on computer only for her she did do the same haha this is what they called NAIVE haha or NOOB wahahahahaha...............
Yet i felt what i did still too far from grabbing her heart...I am still a loser..
One day i hope i can at lest half win half lose hahaa sighhhhh fake laugh is all i can do and get scolded LOL...
Nightszzzzzz.......