Sunway damn nice day with Y love her tonnes mwaks~

Today was an awesome day!At last i got a chance to go for an outing which i have awaited for so long man!yeah the place we went was yeah Sunway pyramid lol...

1st time driving there though and got lose for 5 minutes urgh O.O the road..blame my brother for not telling me precisely haha and blame myself for being noob hehe..my honey went there early in the morning but too bad i need to fetch my sister to go for tuition lol..so i ended up reached there at 1 sad case ;(  but nvm it was an awesome day haha..at 1st we went to Full House to celebrate her friends birthday lol!i told her to celebrate bfore i come but she insisted together and together we celebrated lol but the problem is awkward man..3 girls one boy i alone there like WTH is going and they are camwhoring themselves LOL!!funny aint it?i didnt take photo of the food because awkward lol i think quite a lot people know what types of food Full House serve right?

Anyway after that we went separately her friends,i and my dear when on our own haha and funny!!damn funny but it was a memorable thing to remember..haha she wanted to hold my hand yet i do not want to and we keep going on fighting (not real one though) at last i hold her hand and feel so warm haha 1st time holding hand and walking with my gf in shopping complex..nice really..later we went to Asian Walk was it?LOL and we went through whole sunway..we dropped by some nail shop and bought some nail thingy with baby hohohho..after that we went searching for sushi zanmai O.O and at last my 7th sense brought me there....quite hot as it was at the top floor sad lol we went slightly inside and it was cold though but the customers there werent so much that day so it was fast...we ordered some soft crab stuff and some sushi,egg and all nice and i made a love bite on her hand HAHAHAHAHA funny lol...nicely eating and not bad the food there i love the soft shell crab there lol..nice i hope we can go there again...

After that i went and bring her to try some new dresses huhuh but the price there was idiotic joke =.= one dress for rm80 and 2 for rm99..i was like O.O WTF UNBELIEVABLE..they must have changed the price la for sure..she tried on the maxi dress and looked nice i love her really lol....She dont wanna buy coz was pretty expensive but i ask her i buy for her or share if she guilty and she dun wan jor..however later we went and walk all over the place and bought some ice what ice cream was that i forgot shit..the fruit ice cream + vanila and blend it some japan name i think ?.? wuwuwuw later on it was time to go back T^T sad i teman her walk to sunway college coz her sis was there to wait their dad fetches them and then i walked back to sunway and go home...

NICE AND LOVELY DAY AND I HOPE WE CAN GO OUT AGAIN DEAR LOVE U DEAR...

Confusion

Days have passed and our relationship already went far to 9 months..its the 16 this month..but i still feel like our relationship is still hanging on a string bcoz i feel it breaks easily,but what awkward was that i always love to stick it back when it breaks =.=''

As days go along i felt pressured as my final exam coming and i didnt have anything to relieve stress wuwuw T_T 

Today the title was confusion as mentioned above..i said so because until now i didnt know should i prolong in this relationship..some part of me tell me that even if i prolong more i wouldnt get what i wanted...another part told me that she is a good girl and worth cheerishing for..i know she is good far better than many others..

That day she told me if i am not lustful/hamsap i would be perfect..but too bad that was my only thing that i was damn bangga of...LOL

In class i nicely giving sex lectures when teacher is not here and i gather information all around internet to make sure my intel is at full state and condition..i even thinked of opening a sex health blog but when they knew im just a kid who will hear me babbling...

So conclusion im proud of my intel and i wish to let more people know how to keep relationship in couple or marriage going well and not boring and fun!

But too ironic she thinks that as my bad point..

Imagine..A dinosaur that has eaten 10 cows is forced to eat 1 cow now...hungry,aggresive for more,cant tahan and others....

Sometimes she tells until as if like she found a wrong guy and i often thinks whether should we break so she could find an innocent guy who dun like physical contact stuff..thats not boy maybe lol but i feel she will love him..she really wants a guy that is not lustful but for me i keep a phrase that 'men cant love without sex' that is the real reality...a fresh and cheerful relationship should comprise of sex,health and happiness with this 3 only there is real no stress love...

Tomorrow was supposed to be the day which we could meet but too bad she only wants to meet in car and do not want to meet in her house..

This unconsciously decreses the time we are supposed to meet..If we were to meet in house we could have time like 1 hour but in car?less than half an hour...

How also i wont be meeting her tomorrow as i decided ever since she told she didnt noe wan me to go her house or not...

her earlier reason was that she scares that i am aggresive and kiss her 'hardcorely',but later when we quarrel she told that she scares that her neighbour saw..

I was thinking like..u said u miss me and u dun let me hug or kiss or cuddle u where people cant see?

To tell the truth i hate to hug and do stuff outside..i had no choice thats y i chose to do it outside..if u are allowed to come my house and i am allowed to go ur house..i do not need to risk our future to do this stuff outside like school...

I thinking no hope to have sex bfore im 20 so i gave up i really gave up and ended in disappointment totally..

But afterall next year we gonna meet so rarely that u can have ur dream of not getting done anything by me...when i think of it tears does broke down...i love those stuff no doubt..i really scare if next year..i cant do those stuff i worry my love will go lesser and lesser all along those stuff have been keeping our love alive..and the obedience u had was one of a kind rarely can be found..but ur mind also was vry closed which i havent seen in any,i mean none!

In conclusion..if fate was meant for us to be together then no doubt we will but if we are not meant to..then sorry....i noe u wun read this blog anymore so thats y i decided to write back after so long...Sry to say my feel is starting to maybe go down.......im sorry i noe u gave a lot stuff and all..but after all u gave it out of force..still i appreciate it...

i am finding ways to get back my love......but the eagerness u showed me is far too less...its like u have stuff u late reply me or i am put in 2nd position..

for me if u were free i put down everything..when u bz oni i catch back wat i have to do..thats a clear difference..to meet u i can sacrifice time and money and even lie...but maybe for u..u rather feel scare then rather sacrificing the fear for me..if u are not scare of those stuff one day then i doubt we have anything more to worry..

but we will never noe i always think positively that u wanna meet me......have u ever wonder why i always taunt u like when u say miss me i say u lying and no way u miss me?the answer is coz when a chance of meeting arise u wouldnt want to meet me just bcoz u are scared of those stuff..when u said u dunno whether u wan me come or not..i think all the sweet words u said how much u miss me was all A LIE...i was heart broken...day by day my heart is broken more than it could heal...i scare soon i couldnt take it anymore.........i scare soon wat keep our love is only promise but not love coz i promise i wont say breakup with u..i always went to temple and pray our love wouldnt be any problem,u would be more open and stuff but maybe my prayers wasnt heard...so if one day we are meant to break then break is the only way...

IM SORRY....

Belated wishes such a effing bitch lol me...

Today was Y birthday but i screwed it continuously lol..........i forgotten to wish her on the exact time coz i slept shit lol everything was to coincident........i suddenly feels like blogging..after so long i didnt touch our blog..its been very long never expected this long i wasnt touching my blog...

Things went wrong really coz i dunno lol nowadays things doesnt seems to be going smoothly...

She try to be happy and wanted me to be happy eventhough i forgot to wish her.......

Afternoon after school i just merely brought her to secret recipe and chose 2 slices of cake and a candle and blow in the car nothing special sucks huh.............i was beggining to wonder that i suck lol........no present only cakes to blow sucks man.............she told she was happy but i felt she was only pretending...but what to do i must trust her lol...........now i cant go and complain to anyone so i am here to write......for myself to see......later in the afternoon i made her expressed many stuff lol too much too write......yeah cried and stuff.........

night time was the most disappointing for me as i keep telling myself how i wanna countdown with her to her bday and things go unexpectedly i failed to wake up bcoz i set my ringtone to soft ringtone thats y i couldnt wake...i didnt tell her coz i feel its only a reason lol.......later she still wish me to be happy..i feel like crying and i felt nowadays i cried more.........girlish?lol dunno hmmmmm watching her reply other people in fb made me somewhat uncomfortable but i promised her that i will try to let her free......it aches...but i bliff time heals my wound....give and take.........im learning for the first time for my lao po.........i dunno but.......it still aches me i only will keep praying i can let go one day..........can trust her but i noe its not gonna be easy...its gonna be tough and very tough......anyhow 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y HOPE YOU WILL BE MUCH BRIGHTER AND HAPPIER...SEEK WHAT U WANT..NOT SEEK WAT I WANT......

Decision i made..

Recently..ichanged my blog link..i changed it due to i felt whats happening in our relationship should not be told to others..therefore i decided to change it..this blog was also actually meant to create to express my thoughts and it was not meant to tell people on whats happening between us..

That day we fought over a small matter which i consider maybe big..she likes other boys photo..that boy had cause our relationship to crack 3 times or maybe so..i do not know am i just blaming him or what but at least i and my gf are able to mend it back better but yet..if a wound that is healing got damaged again will only result in deeper wounds..

I am still in pain i guess..My friend told me that im tormenting myself everyday for small matters..

I do not know why i care for small stuff but maybe thats me..

Then,lately i have been thinking myself what i wanted actually..

i told her that i wanted to kiss..i really wish to because i feel like we are connected or something when we did it feels safe,relax,loved,tranquility..

Most importantly i can feel her love..that day she told me she will do it for my sake..she will try and overcome her fear of doing it...i am really happy she tried it....she tried it once which was yesterday i could feel her fear..

then today i tried it again and the way i see her make me feel that she do not wants it..

What i saw was just Forced kiss out of her and not a Love kiss..

The more i think..the more i felt she do not love me..

I do not want to think anymore..too much...

She told me she was still feeling scare and stuff..

But for me i still think she didn't love me deep enough..

So i decided to ask my friend for a piece of advice..

My question was simple..

Is doing stuff for your bf/gf which u do not want but u force yourself do it,it is the same as you make yourself willing to do it because you love him/her???

All of them hesitate and no answer come to me at last and i am still left in blurry state..

I looked at trees,sky,and stuff finding my answer and i screwed my biology i guess due to some reason..

Overworry and putting too much heart into a relationship are my weakness..thats what people said...

I do not care as long as i'm breathing i will love her as much as i could..

And due to this weakness people are starting to think i'm not a playboy because they said i looked like one..so i guess that not a weakness anyway..

Anyway when i reached home later in the afternoon i called her after she had her lunch..

Then she told me something..she wished that i would not kiss her for now..

Upon hearing that..i am startled,i was like hmmm what i did wrong..

I suck?or what and that left me blank and silent for few moments.................

I felt what i did is not enough therefore i will keep searching for more stuff to make her love me more..

thats what i hoped and thats what i wanted..

When the day come i hope we would have an eternal love...

So after i had my bath i think that maybe i should change into a guy who,do not wish for kisses and stuffs..

I guess i will be changing into one who wont feel love but only give love..

But nevermind..as long as i could love her its okay..if i do not feel her love also nvm..i just wanted her to be happy..

Kiss or not..I felt the love or not is not important anymore..

i would not burden our relationship anymore because of this..I promise i will change..i will change into the boy u wanted..i will change..........

Trouble does occur once in a while...

Now is 11.40pm.......

Chinese New Year is here yesterday.....

Happy chinese new year to all chinese people.......

Today was the 2nd day of chinese new year and we called it 'chor yi'

I got sick due to eating too many fried stuffs yesterday which was 'chor yat'..how it happened was i eat once the chicken is done frying thats what got me sick as it is very heaty....pity le second day sick..

sighhh i had mood to write blog now..soo long i didnt have the mood to express anything sad and i thought i will be starting to express only happy stuffs but i was wrong..

This blog post was one of my nightmares...I thought sick was fun as i can get some care and stuff but i didnt know why but i was very wrong ..

I reached home and called her because she told her alarm went off and light seemed to be on she suspect burglar might got into her house..long story..i sms her and she didnt reply me so i keep calling and later she answered and talked a while...i was glad to know she was ok and i am so happy she told would call me again later she told...and i remembered how she used to tell me last time she would use chances to run into her room and chat with me.....wanted me to call her.

but now..

it was different..When i needed most care and that is the time i got the lessest care.......

I was sick and i keep sneezing and coughing until i had a chest pain yeah but nvm i still thought it would be nice to get some care..as i needed lots of care so i would not mind even if my sick worsen..

'Y' asked me to eat medicine but i purposely didn't want to eat because i want to get more sick so i can get more care...

After the last call i waited for her to miss call me for me to call her..But she just sms me and kinda slow and busy so later i planned not to reply...sorry...

She told she was watching tv and nvm i thought she would watched a while only and come up to talk to me..

Only later i knew i was only making myself happy that she will call me soon soon soon and soon...the last call was around 9.45pm..now is 11.48pm,2 hours i waited and i started to give up the hope of she would miss call me......I still sneezing like hell now and i started to get tired of waiting...Sorry 'Y'...i didnt reply you.....

I wasn't asleep but...I started to wonder...are u loving me lesser?am i bugging u??u wan to chat with me lesser?although everytime u tell me i think too much but i started to feel what i think it was true....

U seemed busy so i thought i wouldnt want to disturb u,but deep in my heart i want u to go up your room and chat with me....and ask me how am i am i still sneezing?coughing? and stuff to show care for me...but the more i wait the more uncomfortable i get as every second i am waiting for my phone to ring..Now i didnt know should i call her..she still didnt miss call me so i decided if its 12 then i would go to sleep and hope i will recover soon..

Yeah she called but only after her tv show ended...i knew i was just a spare tyre..when u have something to do..i will come after it..i always do not get to be 1st i noe..there is one period i felt u was loving me but now i dun feel it....u always tell me u do but ur actions does not show me any....we ended our call at 12.02am it was a while chat only..when i called her i didnt talk much as i already had no more mood....i felt more pain because if she would come up to chat with me we would had chatted more than hour or so.....i do not want to think anymore...things had gotten out of hand...Before holiday i talked with my friend how we fight and how we got back together and he told our relationship would be stable but i do not think so..the more i think..the more i do not feel i will break the chain of i wont get a stable relationship..

I didnt know what shoud i do anymore...Is it no matter what i do i wouldnt be 1st in ur heart?

oni 1st when u have nothing do????i really wanna know...but yet i fear the answer..ironic huh..

U keep asking me whether is it that u watched tv?or u didnt miss call me?

Boh was not the answer...

The answer was u didnt realize i was sick and i needed care thats why i didnt have the mood anymore to chat and to sms...Sorry for asking to leave me alone..U asked me if u ask me not to care u wat i would feel?

I dun feel anything as i will keep caring no matter wat......except u do not wan me to love u anymore....

I didnt know what to talk about anymore...night....

Valentine's Gift

I wonder how long have i been not updating my blog o.o hehe but nvm as im quite lazy and busy >.<

There come this year's valentine's day and chinese new year same day but sad tragedy i wasn't able to spend it with Y sad T_T

She had been sick for one week before the one week holiday thats was the saddest part..

I was only able to see her on friday which is yesterday and cant see for next whole week as she cant seemed to go out..

So nothing special happening nowadays and our fight and quarrel seems to be getting lesser and lesser..

one week or maybe 2 weeks we did not quarrel hohoho 

For valetine's day i wasn't able to think anything to buy so i decided to make her paper flower/rose!!

Yeah yeah i made it and i cant believe i made it LOL

Here is the sneak peek of it hoho 

I didn't know its nice or not but i hope she likes it >.<

Although it does not cost me much money but i hope u love it ^_^

The wrapping cause me a bit fuss as i wrap for many hours but fail to catch my eye as its ugly and finally i get to do it with help from my brother T_T

The youtube didn't even teach properly how to wrap flowers LOL maybe i didnt find it hehe

For her she gave me a bunch of chocolate flowers but i didnt eat it because i feel like keeping it hehe tak sanggup eat it too precious LOL 

This is all about valentine's gift hehe 

And schools had been a real trouble for me as my block and her block had 7 block between us and i had to walk there everyday few times..nevermind for me but discipline teacher came and talk to me telling me i had been seen too often walking around and teacher said it might cause Y some problems 

I didnt know what problem but for the next month i maybe wont be going too much T_T sorry o Y i don't want to bring trouble to you although i didn't know what problem is it but as they said prevention is better than cure so let things cool down 1st ok?

~THATS ALL GUYS HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR AND HAVE A NICE VALENTINE'S DAY~ 

Facebook

Sorry for the late updates.

This article should be posted long time ago.

Because of my busy-ness, i had forgotten that i have to write an article here.

X was reminding me so frequently but i kept on forgetting it.

Sorry X  (T^T)

This article is to show our activities on Facebook.

I was so addicted to these applications/games which are the Farmville and the Cafe World.

It was a MUST-DO-THING on Facebook.

I switched on my laptop everyday for about 15 minutes just to check on my farm and cafe, except that i am tired lah

The 1st picture is my Farmville.

Can u see how pretty my farm is?

Thanks to my lovely X, he did that for me until late at night while i was sleeping like a pig.

Especially the animal part. I was freaking frustrated because i don't know how to arrange my animals neatly.

But he was so good in decorating it. I was like oh my god, how come i didn't think of that !

love u X <3

The other two pictures taken are his Cafe World.

Obviously its not as nice as my Farmville, because i decorated the Cafe for him.

Not that i decorated the whole cafe, but just changing the walls and tiles.

I spent so much of his money to decorate it but in the end i ruined it.

He said he love it so much and he kept saying it's nice but seriously i don't think so (>.<)

But i can say that i'm satisfied with the love in the middle! :) although he made the original love and i just changed the colour of the tiles

I know this article is damn boring, and please excuse me for my bad English. (>.<)

With love, Y.