Friday 1st hour..

Its unbelievable but yeah things happened again..

So what i don't mind things keep happening..I just worry that Y can't stand it..

Yeah i online only at 11.25pm and this morning i decided to change into an ignorant person..

Yeah a boy that is cold,what also no feel

I saw many of those boy in relationship and their gf tends to be more sticky and caring

So i took steps and change hoping it will work....

1st i change my sms-ing way

At 1st it really lasted from afternoon till night yeah no offence..but my sms sucks no feeling

Like only normal friend i cant believed that i did it also

But then till night

She ask me 'are u good at designing?'

I said 'No obviously i am noob'

Then she laughed and said she want me to design for our house(I am still acting ignorant that time)

But then i am really happy that she started really caring and then...straight without thinking

I told her i am sorry for changing and she told that she did noticed that i changed

The happiness lasted only a while(the house design part)

At 1st i thought that it is impossible that she will think of our future as she never did it before

I ignored that thought and keep on believing she will

Maybe i'm desperate for love and care or maybe I don't know what i want..

Then she told me actually she wanted me to design for her farm in her game

My whole world of hope plunged into darkness and despair

Yeah that really pumped my tears out nice one...

My hope gone and i told her i am sorry that changed and my plan failed
GONE

I was like...what the f*** am i doing...

I wanna change and i tell her sorry that i changed and at last

Only knew that i'm just too desperate for care and stuff

I acted too hastily...Maybe my desperate feeling made me do that..can't blame anyone

No one is at fault here..Its just that maybe i need a lot of love

I can give anything for love..i don't know why..Maybe i don't easily find one that loves me maybe..

Yeah and now i am lost..my direction gone..hope gone..what also gone..

I don't blame myself for telling her i changed because i really forcing myself to change

Its 80% that i want to tell her so can't blame her for making my plan failed..

I want to tell her to stop blaming yourself...

Blaming is waste of time..regretting is also..

Changes and No More Next Time is what we needed...

Tell the truth i am really lost...Ever since she started something months ago..

I felt problem keep occuring like no time,no care,no love,just its not what it used to be before she started the thing...She told she likes it so no point i ask her don't do it..

I rather take it all myself and let her happy

She always scolded me for doing so as she wanna suffer with me..love u dear mwakies..

But sometimes its better to suffer alone right??

That is what u will think also right dear if u were in my position??

Its just a small matter of me being too desperate thats all

I am also not sure whether can i sleep or not haih.........

Hope she sleeps soundly please do as she had walked 6 hours today in shopping mall

Kinda hurts me when she is not well..

No matter what happened..I will keep putting hope although disappointment is there

Maybe until one day if i really falls down then only i will tell you..

Until that day no matter what u did...I will still put hope and keep waiting..

Things don't come fast i knew that but i cant help myself thinking it will come fast..

DESPERATE

To tell the truth i really think of that..u guess what it is...

But i knew one day i will face this problem one day so whats the point running and i still love u thats the most important thing that keeps me from saying it...

You always tell that i am very hard but i felt you are harder because i am more demanding than you..

I always tell i need more care and stuffs..

Only i'm demanding and you didn't..so why are u saying i am hard?

Its you that are facing the hardship..

Its me causing the pain......To tell the truth when u didnt reply me when you were shopping

I worried for you every second.....I hate myself from thinking so because

You might feel that i'm sticky and want you to spend time with me every second

I realized that but i don't know why i cannot change it..I really don't know

If someone can teach me not to worry i did appreciate it a lot...

Most of the time i'm just being stupid and overworry myself

What to do i am too desperate..

Dear i want to tell you that sometimes..sweet words are really nice but eventhough if its a lie don't reveal it as you reveal it no point of u telling it anymore right??

Just now,that incident happened because you told that its not the main point why you are asking whether am i good in designing or not..

It will be better if you didn't tell

Although is bad but its not as hurting as when i discovered the truth right..

But obviously i really hope you will really say it from bottom of your heart one day..

I really hope...Hope again haha its nice to have hope because it keeps up your mood

Thinking it will happen soon really makes one damn excited haha

But dear i want to ask u this very long already but i couldn't..

Do u you really want me to be this desperate or want me to be ignorant..

If you want me to be desperate you have to put lots of effort as i am a no-love-care-boy

If you want me to be ignorant please give me time to compress my feeling...

Just pretending ignorant for few hours already nearly kills me

Tell the truth you really took my heart away completely..

Hope we will be even more closer and *look in your sms*

Love u Y..Always will Be...

The 9 sms i sent u hope u will receive it ^^

DESPERATE ....