Love is everything...

Just reached home from bbq party at aunt's house..

No mood from the start because i dont like to go party because all i see there are couple pairs so basically no one talks to me so whats the use of going??

I rather stay home facing computer doing nothing also dont wanna go to places that have people but no one talk to me..

And later i had no mood to eat and i went to msn and chat with her..

Later we chat until very emo..and i told all that i felt and i dont know how long i stored for it but i tell it out all today...

I told i was selfish i want this and that this and that...and pisses her off...

I told her i wanted my gf to think that love is everything..i want her to give up all thing for me..

I wanted her to put me in the 1st place and i want all and all..

And at last she told me that she cant do it...

And she told she wont change in a very dunno how to say what and that hurts me a lot

She gave me the feeling that she care for other things more than me ...

That moment for the 1st time in my life...

I cant breath,suffocates and my rib cage paining...

She told me what she felt..

I knew that she wouldnt want to place love in the 1st place but deep in my heart i...i....hope that she will put althought i said nevermind...

Later on,i told her go ahead and do what you want..you wan get obsess with other things go ahead...

I offed my handphone and go to online and scold my team people and pisses them off and maybe quitting the game soon...

I only realized i really needed her care because when i offed my hp...i wanted to see would u send me anything or what or would u miss call a lot or what..

And at last i on back but she slept..

Then i replied her and no more..

Then she told i have never seen her get obsessed into something very much until she keeps talking about it...

I wanna tell her when the times come...

I will do something bout it dont worry but i didnt coz i had no mood to talk anymore..

I wonder sometimes if i get obsessed into something until i forgets bout u or abandon u for a while bcoz of i too obsess like game or badminton how would u felt..

And i also thinking if i admire a girl and keep talking bout her infront of u what would u felt...

But all is past now..making each other feel bad only kid would do such a thing...

now is that 101th day of our love..ending or not i do not know...

Later after we tell each other what we wanted....My heart felt like something stabbing it...

I tried to sleep but the pain is there...

I put all my love in...giving all the time find things do all but nothing changes maybe things that werent meant for me really wont be mine..

No matter how much i try..things wont change...

I can say i totally gave up all for love...

Friends,family,hobby,all....

I keep changing number and find the best package to chat with her and loses all my friend's contact...

Now i lost the love meant i lost everything...i didnt have any emotions now...

I wish i were dead honestly...

When going back from my aunt's house i was really in a bad mood...I showed black faces and all and scold my sister and when come back and pissed my mom off

So what i already dont care anything anymore..

I just want someone come to me with pure heart and shower me with full love and i can give my life for that...

Now i am playing the ring she gave me only that and memories is left within me...atleast still something is there...

I didnt know how to face things up anymore..I didnt know what am i supposed to do..

I ask my dad for beer so that i can be drunk completely but appears to be no beer ...

my dad asked why i didnt answer and i just walked off..

I know im being a bad son..sorry to my family..

I already loses all the thing i had and i dont know how now...

Someone maybe could teach or grab my hand to walk back or leave me dead on the ground...

Although i still love her very much but i know if we continue...

Someday we will break...Its just a matter of time i know...

People say this world everything need to be balanced like YIN and YANG..

But i live for love and she do not live for love..

Why arent we balancing??What the fuck man...i feel like scolding all the bad words i know in a full sentences...

I trying to find all the ways to stay together to strengthen our love but...

No matter how tough a rope is...A bigger force eventually breaks it...

I cant sleep..I put too much ..can say i put all really all...

I hope i can go through these tough day...

The question i asked u whether can u let go everything for me...

Answer the question honestly and it will decision for both of us........

When i am able to think more i will write it here.......